Introduction

I am lucky enough to live in a beautiful house. It’s all white inside: White walls; white furniture and white floors. It’s airy and has lots of big windows. In the eyes of the world, it’s a real “winner’s” home, but it became my prison.

The walls were cemented with heartbreak and glossed with tears. The roof concealed the angry arguments and ghostly images of a couple that “just couldn’t” anymore. I remember the days that I would drop to my knees, talking to a God that, at the time, I wasn’t sure even existed. I begged Him to help me understand why everything had happened, or at least to show me how I was meant to cope.

I’ve somehow learned to love this house again. We’ve been through a lot together. Within the privacy of its walls, this house gave me somewhere to fall apart. I guess I could have chosen to move out a long time ago. I could have packed up everything, along with all of the hopes and dreams I’d had when we bought it three years ago; put the key in the lock and walked away from where my failed marriage lived. I could have looked back as I walked away and said: “That house will always be a sad place for me, a bad omen, where all my silly childhood fantasies were crushed.” But, I didn’t.

Over the next two years, people would ask me: “Are you still living in the family home?” I would answer: “Yes!” and see the confusion on their faces as they wondered: Why would she stay there? Isn’t it depressing to be there alone now?

I knew I had to make peace with the house before I could leave it. I wanted my memory of it to eventually be a happy one. After all, it would always be our first and only family home. I wanted my time in it to be remembered as a happy one for me, but mostly I wanted it to be a happy place for my children. I didn’t want to drive past it one day and think: That’s where it all fell apart, and it not to stand for anything else.

I believe in facing your crises, taking control of them and making them into something positive. I had to cleanse the house’s aura before I could pull the shutters down on it. I’m still here, but I’ll be leaving soon. It’s time.

Comments

  1. Reply

    Beautifully said. Your honesty is appreciated. I hope your next home only has beautiful memories. It can’t be easy walking away from the hopes and dreams, but God grants is all we need to release what no longer serves us xxx

  2. Reply

    I love this! And more than I love and miss you tons! You are an amazing women and great mum! Xxx

  3. Reply

    Love it

  4. Reply

    Beautiful! You are an in inspiration.

  5. Reply

    Welcome back Morgan!

  6. Reply

    Totally inspirational and allows one to look at it from a different perspective.

  7. Reply

    we may not know each other but I’ve been your prayer friend through it all. I prayed for you and kids to overcome the pain and loss and I’m so glad that it did. Good luck with this new venture and may it bring you success.

  8. Reply

    Well done! I have followed your story in the media since you got engaged. My story was the opposite to yours. South African girl fell inlove with an oirish fella and moved to Ireland. We were so inlove and got engaged. But the strict divorce laws in Ireland really made me think about marriage seriously and beyond the wedding. I realized I was not capable of going through a divorce, so I decided I will never marry and eventually left my fiancè on good terms. I saw your strory play out in the media, my worst fears! You are so strong! Im cheering for you. And Im sure you will have new happy memories soon! Sending you lots of positive energy!

  9. Reply

    You are an inspiration for so many women.
    I’m a huge fan of you – of your beauty, your fashion, the way you carry yourself BUT most of all for the great mom you are for your children.

    I’m looking foward to every aspect of your blog and wish you all the success in the world.

    May you inspire and “save” the women reading this.

  10. Reply

    I am sitting with tears in my eyes I am in awe of you you are an amazing person and a wonderful Mom wish. you all the best for the future

  11. Reply

    Wow. After reading this my faith in humanity has been restored. You’ve just made me give birth to new hope. I too am a divorced single parent. By single parent I mean I am mother and father to my two little angles it’s only been us over these past 7ish years, some how we’ve managed to come on top of this sadness but I was always left with a big fat hole. Reading your story has some what made me gleeful as well as filled a bit of this hole. You are beautiful your words are from the heart. Good luck with the future and god bless. I pray our roads cross threw our journey, so I may meet an angle in reality. Bravado girl. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  12. Reply

    I know exactly what you are going through. It took me 11years to finally trust a man again. After raising my three girls alone for 11years I have finally found a wonderful man. I am married now five months and still some days I have that fear of him cheating on me even though he don’t give me any reason to doubt him…Stay strong if not for you then for your kids.

  13. Reply

    We live. We love. We, sometimes, get destroyed in the process. We find out that in the embers of our devastation, is a strength we never knew we had. We rebirth ourselves as women to discover that the devastation was a lesson in the beauty and power that lived inside all along. You can do this – on your own – and find a pride in that girl in the mirror, that surpasses any other love you will ever know. No one loves you like she does. Find her. Speak to her. Love her. Your children need her.

  14. Reply

    Awesome. The Hand of God will always be upon you. Be the vessel you called to be for the broken women.

  15. Reply

    I am so proud of you for making peace with your house, it has a huge impact on your children – it’s their childhood home and they must never live in a sad place. Life has a funny way of working out and one day when you are ridiculously happy you will see why your life followed this path. Loads of love and strength

    1. Reply

      Thank you for the love and support. You are so kind. Love x

  16. Reply

    Thank you for sharing your journey. Its not easy to stay and face things that make us unhappy. Far easier to run away. But walking through that journey as difficult as it, is helps with acceptance and closure. I wish you love and light as you continue this journey

    1. Reply

      I wish you love and light also in return… You are quite right.. Running never solves anything! Thank you a hundred times for your support. ❤

  17. Reply

    Morgan, I am so touched by how authentic, honest and real your blog post is. You are speaking of the pain and difficulties shared by many, many gorgeous, intelligent, kind and amazing women. You have competely changed my perceptions of you. May you go from strength to strength – keep shining!!! Looking forward to your next updates – it helps to see someone else going through what so many of our sisters and friends go through and making it!!

    1. Reply

      Lynn your support is truly appreciated.Thank you ❤

  18. Reply

    Welcome back to the strong woman you are. Thank you for giving your advice and hope to others. Wishing you success and happiness x

    1. Reply

      ❤ its good to be back! Love!

  19. Reply

    Please get in touch with me so that I can get press releases from you for media coverage.

    1. Reply

      Will do Liezl. Thank you x

  20. Reply

    Your grace and decorum are commendable. I admire you Green Girl.

    1. Reply

      Thank you ❤

  21. Reply

    I’ve been browsing οnline greater than 3 hours these days, but I ƅy no means diѕcovered any fascinating artіcle like
    yoᥙrs. It’s beautіful worth sufficient for me.

    In my opіnion, if all website owners and bloggers made excellent content as you did, the web
    shall be a lot more helpful than ever before.

    1. Reply

      Your kind words are appreciated. Thank you x

  22. Reply

    Well done Morgan so proud of you

    Keep it up

    1. Reply

      Thank you Ann x

  23. Reply

    I understand so well. Its good to see women surviving this and become strong for their families. All the best and may happiness and good luck hunt you down.

    1. Reply

      Thank you kindly Elize! Love x

  24. Reply

    Well done to you. I lived in my family home for a year and even spent money on renovating it but the unhappy memories were like black tar that permeated every corner of my home. I was married for 17 years when my husband decided he was no longer in love with me and now loved the neighbour’s wife. I moved out and am living in a beautiful granny flat with a little garden and my own private entrance. Well done on this blog,

    I wish I had your advice 2 years ago when I got divorced. At the time I felt as if my life was over because I was always his wife first and myself second. I had lost my identity caring for this man who I would have given my life for, just to be discarded like an old piece of tissue when something younger came along.

    1. Reply

      Thank you Tracey for your support and for sharing your story. 17 years is a long time and could not have been easy to move on from. Well done on your strength. All too often do us women forget who we are for a man. It is an all too familiar story. I admire you and wish you so much happiness x

  25. Reply

    Loved the read. . Your words are kind advise that comes from a very personal space yet you haven’t brought the other person into the piece. So many a time one reads one bad mouthing another, a new perspective.

  26. Reply

    Well done Morgan. I would advise women who have been extremely hurt to find a phychologust or counsellor . Friends can be a great support but its good to vent feelings to a third party now and again

  27. Reply

    We live and we learn mami. You’d have never known how strong you are if it wasn’t for that situation. Lots of love .stay strong

  28. Reply

    Unfortunately for me, the house where my marriage failed remains a place of darkness. I have not driven past it and when in the area I make very sure that I do not see it. It reminds me of so many broken dreams, horrific feelings of emptiness and everything I felt I lost. I do not want to think about the house at all…. and this is a decade later. My failure feels too overwhelming for all to see.

  29. Reply

    I am currently going through divorce. Apparently he is no longer in love with me. He woke up one day and said ” let me go, i want to close this chapter ” i am going to be a single mother to two beautiful children. 14 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. I am hurt but at the same time i am strong for my children. Your blog Dean is really helpful. It has made me to open up and stopped me from feeling ashamed and sorry for myself. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *