Morgan Deane's

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2) The Arab

He was older than me. Maybe, 50. My first encounter with him, I instantly disliked him. Love at first sight? Well, you know that it’s never worked that way for me anyway. Don’t get me wrong though, this guy had a presence and was good looking but he was arrogant and chauvinistic . He was standing at the bar wearing a F1 racing cap. He had broad shoulders that gave good support to a strong chest and a firm steak belly. He was drinking 100-year-old whiskey out of a goblet that was carved from peasants bones. He had also, quite obviously, formed an opinion of me long before he had actually met...

1) Dating J

I sat in the shadows, under a big oak tree, the street light was highlighting the furrow lines between my eyebrows, as I chewed nervously on the inside of my cheek. My head was darting left and right as I wondered “is this guy going to be a big mammoth of a creature or a small sawed-in-half little man?” I still wasn’t sure if I was going to have the ‘cojones’ to actually get out of my car. I was most definitely waiting until I could see him first before I decided that I was, in fact, about to have my first date in years. All I had seen of...

Sharing your story

Well well well, look who rose from the dead! Yes. Me. I’ve been off gallivanting around the world (see there is light at the end of the tunnel…’gallivanting’…. I bet some of you thought/ think you’ll never experience ‘gallivanting’ again. I sure thought that way) But you will. Oh yes you shall gallivant again. Since my divorce settled in May and I finally sorted out my visa situation, I’ve been travelling quite an amount. I had a lot of stops I wanted to make and faces that I desperately wanted to see. I definitely felt that I needed a break from my every day life here in Cape Town and...

Acceptance (Stage 5)

Acceptance is the last emotional stage that we go through during a divorce. When all of the hurt and pain finally go away (and it will) you’ll begin to accept that your marriage didn’t work, but that you are now ready to move on with the rest of your life, taking with you the lessons you’ve learned along the way. At the beginning of a divorce, it’s very hard to imagine the day that you’ll finally be at peace with what has happened to your life, but time really and truly does heal. Good old ‘Father Time’  has his arms around us all. You’ve just got to have faith. It...

Meeting New Friends

When you go through a divorce and you find yourself faced with the need to build a new support group, it can be a pretty scary thing. When you have children and responsibilities, it can seem like you will never find the time to go out and meet new people and even if you did, where would you begin? It isn’t like school anymore. Adults can be closed off to other strangers. People have busy lives and generally don’t look to make new friends so often at our age. Well, I’m here to remind you, divorce is happening everywhere in South Africa. There are a lot of people going through...

Loss of Friendships in Divorce

A by-product of divorce is nearly always the loss of friendships. When I moved to South Africa, I didn’t have a single friend in this country, other than my now ex-husband. At the time, he seemed more than enough. Romeo, o’ Romeo. I figured that once I had him in my life, I would be A-Okay, and I was confident that I would eventually build my own little circle of friends. You see, that was the plan, but once I settled into South African life, I discovered quite quickly that my ex travelled in a very exclusive little clique. Because the opportunity didn’t really present itself for me to make...

Relocation Part 2 (What do I need?)

What is required in order to seek relocation from the judge? Ok here is a list of what you will need to gather. • Keep a diary! You will benefit hugely from this, and you can actually take it on to the stand with you when you finally get into court – provided it’s been updated consistently throughout the separation. Notes and papers can’t be taken on to the stand. A diary is a great way to recall dates and incidents at the drop of a hat, if need be. • Keep a record of the contact the child has had with his/ her father. Make notes of when scheduled...

Relocation Part 1

As you’re aware by now, I’m Irish – from the land of leprechauns –and Guinness, of course. I’ve never quite got the whole Guinness thing. I really find it an unpleasant beverage, but who am I to question the great Arthur’s signature drink that has quenched the thirst of so many men over the past 100 years? Cheers to Arthur. Ireland sits far up the globe, way north of South Africa. No, it’s not part of Britain and it’s not part of the United Kingdom. (You would be surprised: I get asked that a lot.) It’s a freestanding, lovely, neutral little country that generally tries to keep its nose clean....

A Date? With Me? Eh…….

So maybe you’re at the stage where, after your divorce, you’re ready to mingle with the opposite sex again. When you first receive an invitation to go on a date, it’s very natural to make excuses not to go, because taking the plunge is as scary as hell: “Oh, I’ve got plans that night,” or “I can’t find a babysitter.” The idea of going on what really is an interview with a brand-new person can be daunting. After all, what do you talk to a stranger about? “So, where are you from? What do you do? Why are you single? What the hell is wrong with you?” Yes, these are...

Shock! Stage 1.

Shock has the ability to paralyse us at the beginning of a divorce. This is where you actually need to make some of the biggest decisions of your life, whether it be about your legal approach to the divorce, your financial situation or your future plans to raise your children, but here’s the catch, this will be when you are least mentally capable and driven, to think logically. This is the stage where you will need all of your support group to kick in and hold you up at either side, when all you want to do is fall to your knees and stay there. This is the first stage...