Are You Sure You’re Sure?

Morgan Deane 23 January 2017

Are you willing to listen and learn in your marriage or relationship? Do you understand the true significance of opening your ears and eyes? Nobody is perfect and there isn’t anybody who has all the answers. There is no one who can afford to just speak but never listen.

Listen to what your partner is saying to you, and if he/ she isn’t speaking, then watch their body language. What is it saying to you? Learning to read your partner can help a relationship stay on track.

One can become so consumed by what “I want, need and deserve”. A relationship should contain mutual respect on both sides.

I guess the reason that I am speaking about this is to try highlight the fact that if a marriage can be saved at all, then the effort should be made.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. If statistics are saying that more than 45% of all South African marriages end in divorce, it is my belief that it cant be that ALL of those marriages genuinely had to end? I wonder.

You see, there is something that happens in relationships all too often: We take our partners for granted. The more we do this, the less we see them and hear them. The reality of life is that everyone has a breaking point, and not everybody’s breaking point comes at the same emotional stage. If someone is not happy, then they may just be at their threshold and they may leave. So, when you start taking someone for granted, be warned that although they may not say it, they will feel it. You may be interfering and affecting the amount of heart space they hold for you.

That’s not to say that all relationships end because one partner didn’t do enough for the other. In this world we live in, relationships can take strain. Temptation is all around us. Sometimes a marriage can fail because he/ she no longer wants the commitment or routine of a marriage, or is struggling with monogamy.

You need to fix yourself after a divorce (and yes it is easy to say: “But it wasn’t my fault.”) Regardless of who’s fault it was, there is work to be done afterwards. Otherwise, you will encounter many of the same problems in your next relationship. Before you delve into a new relationship, it is vital that you establish exactly what it is that you want from that relationship. Make sure that it has what it takes to last.

There are so many common reasons why a marriage or relationship may be doomed to fail right from the start, and I speak about them in my book.

The most important thing to remember now is: Take note of why you are drawn to somebody.What it takes for a marriage to last is far more than lust; it is far more than a sexual encounter; and it is far more than spontaneity. It is also far more than lack of seriousness and responsibility. All of these things amount to a “fling”. They are not the foundation on which a solid relationship can be built.

I wanted to write this blog because I am aware that it is not only attracting women going through divorce. It is also attracting young girls who are thirsty for knowledge on how to master a successful relationship by trying to understand what failed in mine.

I am aware that there are also women here who may be contemplating divorce but have not yet begun proceedings. If that is you, I ask of you only one thing: Please be sure that you are ready to do this. Very few marriages have what it takes to reconcile after the trauma of initiating a divorce. Ask yourself: β€œHave I done EVERYTHING I can to try to make my marriage work?”

Are you prepared to start an extremely difficult journey? Are you willing to watch your spouse move on with someone else? Are you strong enough in your faith to believe that there is in fact something and someone better out there for you?

Or… are you giving up too soon?

Comments

  1. Reply

    Morgan,

    There is a universality to your observations which will resonate with many, women and men. Keep the blog “rich” with content, reflect on both “ups” and “downs” and explore issues beyond your own experience – challenge women from all walks of life in and outside South Africa to contribute. There is a lot of “eat, pray love” within you!

    1. Reply

      Thank you Grant for your advice! I have taken it onboard! Have a wonderful day! Thanks for stopping by x

  2. Reply

    ” I am aware that it is not only attracting women going through divorce. It is also attracting young girls who are thirsty for knowledge on how to master a successful relationship by trying to understand what failed in mine.” – I happen to be one of them and I’ve found what you’ve written here to be so insightful

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