So maybe you’re at the stage where, after your divorce, you’re ready to mingle with the opposite sex again. When you first receive an invitation to go on a date, it’s very natural to make excuses not to go, because taking the plunge is as scary as hell: “Oh, I’ve got plans that night,” or “I can’t find a babysitter.” The idea of going on what really is an interview with a brand-new person can be daunting. After all, what do you talk to a stranger about? “So, where are you from? What do you do? Why are you single? What the hell is wrong with you?” Yes, these are the questions we really want to ask, but that would be impolite, now wouldn’t it?
So, how do you know if you’re ready to date again after your divorce? You’ll know you’re ready when you can go on that date and confidently speak about your fabulous new self with a convincing smile on your face. Always remember that you’re looking for a relationship, not because you NEED a man to make you happy, but because every other aspect of your life is already in a good place. The only thing that you don’t yet have is a partner, to add value to your life.
I’ve been on a few dates with guys, all who came very highly recommended, of course! The first thing to do is make sure that you feel your absolute best. In order to do that, you need to ensure that you look your absolute best. If the date starts with: “You look beautiful,” you know you’ve done something right. (If it doesn’t, don’t worry, sometimes men are simply a little bit shy)
Now is the time to plan ahead! So, let’s say the date is in the evening. You’re going for dinner and, like adults, most of us enjoy wine with our dinner. Red, oh red! Hey, if you’re like me and love red wine, watch out for the mouth full of black teeth if you’ve decided to drink more than a glass. You don’t want to be beaming across the table at this strapping man while you’re wearing a smile that looks like you’ve been sucking coal all afternoon. “Cheeeeeeeeese” . “No!Cooooooal!”
Have you decided if you’re going to have one glass or two? Or perhaps none? If you are going to have alcohol, then you also don’t want to drink too much and end up staggering like a tranquilised horse to and from the toilet each time you have to get up. At the other end of the drunken scale is the emotionally unstable girl who spends the evening talking about her failed marriage and how life has unfairly dealt her a hand of “utter bullshit”. This will most definitely result in your date needing to answer a phantom phone call because a phantom person, whom they really care about, has been hit, by a phantom bus. And look, unless he’s actually a doctor, you and I both know that that story will have been a bit of a fib. He’ll leave like lightning and you’ll sit there thinking: “Oh God, what did I just do?” *Insert that embarrassed monkey emoji, with his hands over his face*
Look, if you can compose yourself and you are in a good space, then alcohol shouldn’t be a problem or an issue. If you aren’t up to the romantic mood of an evening date, then coffee dates are also a very done thing now. I personally don’t do coffee dates. Firstly, because I don’t drink coffee and secondly, I find daytime dates extremely formal and borderline interview-like. That’s just me.
So, “new” Morgan is a serial kisser. A self-proclaimed serial kisser. If I enjoy a first date and I’m having fun, I’m going to kiss him. Nothing more, obviously. I respect my body too much and I have a four-date rule. And that is, that you can hold my hand after 4 dates! And, I’m a mom. “What does that mean? ” you ask? It means you can’t go getting your whoop whoop on with every Tom, Dick (hehe) or Harry. But kissing? I don’t see anything wrong with being an opportunistic, hopeless romantic. I think the first kiss can reveal a lot.
Generally, on a first date, its normal to talk about things like whether you have kids or not, but don’t spend the entire evening sharing pictures of them and talking about their first-everythings. We all know how much our children mean to us. They are the best, but don’t scare off your date with obsessive parenting stories before you are even out of the starting blocks. You’ll want to show yourself as the fabulous individual you are – your kids aside. Find out what he does for a living and what his hobbies are. Has he travelled? Staying clear of the topic of his ex is generally advised. No one wants to have open-heart surgery performed on them on a first date. It just gets awkward. Speaking about an ex is a mostly negative subject. Or worse, it could be a positive subject and you could somehow find yourself sitting across the table from a man with a glint in his eye while he raves about his former love. If you see that happening, run! He’s obviously not where you are and not ready to date yet.
Have you seen the movie He’s just not that into you! Okay, if you have, that’s a very accurate, no fineprint, guideline. After the first date, I say: Let the man contact you. Men are very simple creatures. I know I’m generalising and there are obvious exceptions, but if a man wants something or someone, then he’s going to make it very obvious. We’re women, we’re smart. We know this, right? After your first date send a message saying ” Thank you for a wonderful evening. Goodnight!” Then put the phone down. You’re done. He may or may not respond but you’ve initiated the first message, the pressure is off and the next day, it’s his turn. He ll either message or he won’t. Simple.
If you’re sitting there wondering why a man hasn’t called or messaged you for hours or days on end, then it’s probably because he’s just not thinking about you. You see, men don’t usually play mind games the way that women often do. He leaves you without any lines to have to read between. A man’s message is usually placed perfectly on the line.
So with all of that said, don’t be afraid to go out again and have some fun. Divorce can make you a bit serious and make you want to withdraw from any fantasy filled flirty encounters. It can make you feel disinterested in silly dating (why, that’s for kids), but dont be afraid to just say “Yes”. Don’t overthink it. When you’re asked to go for a coffee or a drink or a meal, just say “Yes”. If the date goes badly, who cares, at least it’s something funny to talk about around your divorcees-dinner party table, next week. Fingers crossed your first date goes amazing. I’m excited for you!!!! Now go be fabulous!